A Personal Philosophy
If you will indulge me, I’d like to share a little personal philosophy. Before I get into it, a genesis according to Wikipedia…
Saint Valentine’s Day (commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day) is an annual holiday held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The holiday is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). The holiday first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
Modern Valentine’s Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.
More than likely you already knew most or all of that information, but did you also know…
The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th century America, where many Valentine cards are now general greeting cards rather than declarations of love, was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States. It’s considered one of the Hallmark holidays.
The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that, in the US, men spend on average twice as much money as women.
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Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae). Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who was martyred about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome, and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.
Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).
The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.
In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feastday of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: “Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14.” The feast day is still celebrated in Balzan (Malta) where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, and also throughout the world by Traditionalist Catholics who follow the older, pre-Vatican II calendar.
There’s plenty more history to read if you so desire, but I believe I’ll take this opportunity to digress.
I have made my feelings regarding today, at least in part, known to many of you in the past. That post is an over-simplification to a truth I believe I’ve only shared with one person. It’s not that I detest that society mandates the expression of ardor on this specific day, it’s the implication behind it – if you express it today, you’re good for a year. I’m sorry, but to me, that’s not good enough. To me, that’s akin to believing that the expressing of peace or good will towards others should be limited to Christmas time. Certainly, the cynics will say that no one can be that way, no one should feel that way every day. Sure, I’ll grant perhaps it can’t or won’t happen every day, but does that mean we shouldn’t try?
I don’t want this day to be romantic – at least no more romantic than any other day with my girlfriend and eventually wife. I don’t want just the ability to tell them how much they mean to me, I want to tell them or show them. Grand gestures on one day a year mean far less than smaller gestures many days a year. Far too many get caught up in the idea that dozens of flowers, pounds of chocolate, and/or epic poetry or even sappy sentiment must rule this one day when a single flower, a special treat, or even simple kind words or an honest expression of what that person means to you each day will mean so much more. Why doesn’t this happen more often? If you have found that person who truly understands you, qualities and faults, and still wants to be around you, don’t they deserve it? Like so many things in life, it all returns to fear – fear of vulnerability. As humans we are conditioned to believe that being vulnerable equals weakness. That isn’t true in this case. It simply means you are open to that significant other – the defenses are down, they’ve been carted off, and you can see each other, truly bared, for who you really are. Sounds scary doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be.
There is strength from vulnerability. Read that sentence again. Seeing the truth of each other – while possibly not always pretty – brings an understanding of self, of other, and most importantly the union of the two. It’s in that understanding that new foundations are built. The stronger the understanding, the stronger the foundation. The stronger the foundation, the stronger the building. The stronger the building, the longer it withstands the tests of time. You get the idea – it’s all very The Want of a Nail. Sure, devastation can come from it, but isn’t everything in life a risk/reward? Personally, I’ll take the understanding and everything that follows from it: strength, the ability to forgive, and the capacity to truly love.
A simple man and his simple words
