Feel Me Don't You

If you will indulge me, I’d like to share a little personal philosophy. Before I get into it, a genesis according to Wikipedia…

Saint Valentine’s Day (commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day) is an annual holiday held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The holiday is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). The holiday first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Modern Valentine’s Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

More than likely you already knew most or all of that information, but did you also know…

The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th century America, where many Valentine cards are now general greeting cards rather than declarations of love, was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States. It’s considered one of the Hallmark holidays.

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year, behind Christmas. The association estimates that, in the US, men spend on average twice as much money as women.

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Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae). Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who was martyred about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome, and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.

Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).

The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.

In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feastday of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: “Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14.” The feast day is still celebrated in Balzan (Malta) where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, and also throughout the world by Traditionalist Catholics who follow the older, pre-Vatican II calendar.

There’s plenty more history to read if you so desire, but I believe I’ll take this opportunity to digress.

I have made my feelings regarding today, at least in part, known to many of you in the past. That post is an over-simplification to a truth I believe I’ve only shared with one person. It’s not that I detest that society mandates the expression of ardor on this specific day, it’s the implication behind it – if you express it today, you’re good for a year. I’m sorry, but to me, that’s not good enough. To me, that’s akin to believing that the expressing of peace or good will towards others should be limited to Christmas time. Certainly, the cynics will say that no one can be that way, no one should feel that way every day. Sure, I’ll grant perhaps it can’t or won’t happen every day, but does that mean we shouldn’t try?

I don’t want this day to be romantic – at least no more romantic than any other day with my girlfriend and eventually wife. I don’t want just the ability to tell them how much they mean to me, I want to tell them or show them. Grand gestures on one day a year mean far less than smaller gestures many days a year. Far too many get caught up in the idea that dozens of flowers, pounds of chocolate, and/or epic poetry or even sappy sentiment must rule this one day when a single flower, a special treat, or even simple kind words or an honest expression of what that person means to you each day will mean so much more. Why doesn’t this happen more often? If you have found that person who truly understands you, qualities and faults, and still wants to be around you, don’t they deserve it? Like so many things in life, it all returns to fear – fear of vulnerability. As humans we are conditioned to believe that being vulnerable equals weakness. That isn’t true in this case. It simply means you are open to that significant other – the defenses are down, they’ve been carted off, and you can see each other, truly bared, for who you really are. Sounds scary doesn’t it? It doesn’t have to be.

There is strength from vulnerability. Read that sentence again. Seeing the truth of each other – while possibly not always pretty – brings an understanding of self, of other, and most importantly the union of the two. It’s in that understanding that new foundations are built. The stronger the understanding, the stronger the foundation. The stronger the foundation, the stronger the building. The stronger the building, the longer it withstands the tests of time. You get the idea – it’s all very The Want of a Nail. Sure, devastation can come from it, but isn’t everything in life a risk/reward? Personally, I’ll take the understanding and everything that follows from it: strength, the ability to forgive, and the capacity to truly love.

A simple man and his simple words

Tantrum gathered last night for our ’09 Christmas party – we just couldn’t get it coordinated with seven different schedules in December. Our conversational topics ran the gamut over the course of the evening until it got later and Dennis began talking about Conan O’Brien’s last show and all the drama surrounding that situation. We figured it would be worth it to check out his final (at this point anyway) Tonight Show hosting appearance to see what outrageousness he had in store. We were not disappointed. If you missed it, you can watch it here while it’s still available.

There were many truly hysterical, laugh out loud moments, but the thing that really stuck with me was his honest, heart-felt sentiments regarding his tenure at NBC and personal credo on cynicism. Check it out while it lasts.

What a class act!

*EDIT*
It just struck me that there are likely still many people out there – as hard as it may be to believe – who have no idea what is going on with the recent late night wars and how it all got started.
David Letterman sums it up nicely.
Craig Ferguson speaks on the topic.
Jimmy Kimmel explains.

I’ll add more as I find them. You’re welcome.

I feel better already! I hope all your holidays were great and that the New Year brings you all that each of you desire.

During the Christmas season I will often throw on some TSO to satiate my holiday and rock desires. Two birds, one stone, right? As I was listening to The Lost Christmas Eve on the way to Illinois, the above song struck me for the first time. After checking out the title, I scanned the remaining tracks for Back To A Reason (Part I) and came up empty. Since I didn’t recall a song by that title on any of their other discs, I wondered if this was their attempt at being clever (much like my friend Don Abbott’s idea for an original movie called Sequel). A quick scan on Google and subsequently YouTube then a thump-on-the-forehead moment later and I was reminded of their alter-ego/earlier incarnation Savatage. Duh! There it was on YouTube, Back To A Reason. While they share some similarities, I must say that the first version comes across much darker. See for yourself…

Courtesy of the fine folks at Daily Writing Tips…

Before mistletoe became an excuse to kiss people at Christmas parties, it was an important symbol in ancient Celtic religion.

Pliny the Elder describes a ceremony in which Druids climbed an oak tree to harvest mistletoe with a golden scythe. Wrote Pliny:

They believe that mistletoe given in drink will impart fertility to any animal that is barren and that it is an antidote to all poisons.

Mistletoe figures in the story of the Norse god Baldur. (Also spelled Balder and Baldr.)

Baldur was the most beloved of the Norse gods. All the gods loved him except Loki the mean-spirited troublemaker.

Baldur’s mother Freya (also Frigg or Frigga) dreamed that he died and was taken by Hel. Norsemen who died in battle were taken by the Valkyries to Valhalla. Everyone else went to Hel’s kingdom. When Freya woke she went to Hel and begged her not to take her son. Hel said that if she could persuade everything in the world not to harm Baldur, he could go on living. Freya extracted an oath from rocks, elves, giants, plants, and everything else. Every thing and every creature swore not to harm Baldur. Unfortunately, Freya neglected to speak to the mistletoe. It was so small and insignificant that she didn’t see how it could be a threat to anyone.

When it became evident that nothing would kill Baldur, the other gods made a game of throwing weapons at him. Loki found out about the unsworn mistletoe. He went to the plant and took a cutting back to Asgard. He fastened it to an arrow and gave it to Baldur’s blind brother Hoder. Loki guided Hoder’s hand and the mistletoe on the arrow pierced Baldur’s heart, killing him.

There’s more to Baldur’s story, but this is the part about the mistletoe.

Of course, reading more about mistletoe over at Wikipedia will inform those who didn’t already know that the plant is actually a parasite – but a good parasite nonetheless.

A couple tidbits I didn’t know previously…

In Romanian traditions, mistletoe (vâsc in Romanian) is considered a source of good fortune. The medical and the supposed magical properties of the plant are still used, especially in rural areas.

Mistletoe (Phoradendron flavescens) is the state floral emblem for the state of Oklahoma. The state did not have an official flower, leaving mistletoe as the assumed state flower until the Oklahoma Rose was designated as such in 2004.

As for all the kissing, that began as something else (courtesy of Ancient Origins: Yule)…

It was also the plant of peace in Scandinavian antiquity. If enemies met by chance beneath it in a forest, they laid down their arms and maintained a truce until the next day.

Mistletoe was used by the Druid priesthood in a very special ceremony held around this time…five days after the New Moon following winter solstice, to be precise. The Druid priests would cut mistletoe from a holy oak tree with a golden sickle. The branches had to be caught before they touched the ground.

Celts believed this parasitic plant held the soul of the host tree.
The priest then divided the branches into many sprigs and distributed them to the people, who hung them over doorways as protection against thunder, lightning and other evils. The folklore, and the magical powers of this plant, blossomed over the centuries A sprig placed in a baby’s cradle would protect the child from faeries. Giving a sprig to the first cow calving after New Year would protect the entire herd. And so forth.

I hope you enjoyed your trip down Lore & Legend Lane. Remember…
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It should come as a surprise to no one – well, no one who knows me – that I use music for a variety of reasons or equate it to various aspects of life. Christmas music is no different as it is tied to many memories of moments ranging from the wistful to the rhapsodic. It has startled me on occasion, though, what a profound effect this music truly has when it’s overtaken me like a guerilla attack. While not every song has the capacity to stir such overwhelming emotion, there are some that are evinced vividly [dream harp sfx]…

Back when I still lived in Rock Island – years before I ever moved to Kansas City – I was bartending at RIBCO on one December weekend. For whatever reason, we had a very popular reggae band playing whose name escapes at the moment (perhaps Java). They went through their regular set of crowd favorites with the occasional audience interaction when some attractive woman asked them to play something “Christmas-y”. After a quick discussion amongst the group, they launched into Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. I recall at the time being surprised by how good it sounded. It was a lesson in how whimsical a different interpretation could be. The crowd ate it up.

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Everyone has their relationship woes throughout the year and Christmas time is no different. I’ve had several friends over the years – who shall remain nameless – who have struggled to get through the season. Sometimes they broke up right before the holidays, but usually they lasted until New Year’s resolution time when, like the Christmas tree, they were promptly taken to the curb. It amazes me how couples can go from one extreme of the relationship spectrum to the other so quickly and even moreso at this time of the year. I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that dysfunction knows no season.

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There were a few years after I had moved to KC and was working for the Argosy Casino where I completely lost any sense for the magic of the season. As you may have surmised, holidays don’t really exist in the casino industry as it’s just another business day in that world. That’s not entirely accurate as it’s typically a bigger business day which requires more staff. In that world, it’s easy for every day to be just like any other day – holidays are just another work day. If you’d like to hear some of the ghastly or appalling stories I have from those days, feel free to ask me in person. For now, suffice it to say that it’s even easier to become depressed at this time of the year since it doesn’t feel like X’mas Time.

One particular year I was unable to be home with my family in Illinois on Christmas – I had to wait until the after the holiday and that just doesn’t feel the same. As I was listening to various dealers, supervisors, and gamblers bitch about spending time with their families and how they couldn’t wait to come to the casino – a sad statement if you ask me, I couldn’t help but think how much I wished I could be with mine and how I despised all of them for preventing me from doing so. This was the harbinger for my casino egress.

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With the memory of my time in the casino now at the forefront on my mind, I can’t believe that I was actually considering not going home for Christmas. Perhaps it’s a due to a touch of melancholy or forgetting that child-like innocence or the ideal of a better world. Perhaps between the perceived and the imperceptible it’s possible to believe that miracles can exist.

With so many things mucking up my brain these days, I hope my family can forgive me this near misstep.