Feel Me Don't You

Back to the theme…

Thanks to Grooveshark, I’ve been listening to Your Vegas – a band formerly from Leeds, England – at work nearly every day. Thanks to YouTube, you can catch many of their songs arranged acoustically. For those unaware of Grooveshark, it’s a bit like the old Seeqpod. You can find a good deal of artists and their catalogs. Even some of their rarities/B-sides (for those who remember what those are) are available. You can simply create and save a playlist of songs or use it as a jukebox. If you become a VIP member, I believe you can even use Grooveshark on your phone as an app. Give them both a try and let me know what you think.

Since beginning my recent employment, I’ve been tasked with all sorts of duties which, apparently, fall under the umbrella of my job title including, but not limited to: developer, customer service, help desk, project manager/lead, accounting, maintenance, warehousing, and the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have a job after so long on unemployment. It’s just that there are few limits to what I am allowed to do and some might think that’s liberating. Maybe so, but the flip side is that too many options is also paralyzing as you can quickly find yourself with far too many irons in the fire as it were. One of the first things I’ve tried to focus on is process improvement. Once I can eliminate the pesky parts of the job that keep preventing me or others from doing what we should/could be doing, then I feel the 50% growth in sales over last year can hit 75% or even better.

The first task up was to find a way to minimize customer service calls and with a few changes to some of the website’s pages, it’s gone down at least 5% over the first month. Is that good? Anything that reduces my interaction with an online customer is a good thing in my book. Time will really tell, but that means there needs to be some sort of means to measure it all. So that’s what I initiated – via a simple Google doc – a way to track order issues, shipping issues, product questions, and more importantly volume percentages of emails to orders, order issues to email, derived orders from product questions, and more. It’s a manual process at this point, sadly – don’t get me started on that – and it adds more to my workload. Fortunately, the little things I’ve been able to do on a daily basis have allowed me to become more efficient in taking on these new tasks and more in the same amount of time. The downside to all these numbers and projections is seeing how ineffectual I am.

I have taken a small amount of pride in delivering what seems to be a better customer experience, but that isn’t translating to greater sales. Charting the numbers thus far shows how minuscule my efforts are to the bottom line whether it is to an initial sale or to repeat business. Granted, the time frame for my sample may be too small for an accurate representation, but that doesn’t help my psyche. Throughout my adult life, I’ve tried to adhere (not adhesed, Ash, it’s not a word) to a simple mantra: Always do your best; be the best person you can possibly be and the rest will follow. The disturbing part is that these paltry figures are documented evidence shared with my manager and others in the company. The numbers, staring at me from the Google doc, mock me on a daily basis and I’m just not sure how to reconcile myself with that ineffectual feeling. Oh, if only it was that fresh feeling, but I digress. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I can feel this is spreading to other aspects of my life and I’d really like to nip this in the bud immediately. Maybe I’m just focusing too much on the cold, hard numbers and should try to see how my efforts are impacting in other ways. Any advice?

The weather’s blazing hot and this benefit show is looking to top it. Last year, Scott Sjoberg stepped up to the plate to knock one out against MS and this year his li’l sis, Kristen Christian (please no Night Ranger jokes), wants her shot. She will tell stories on the spot—and raise money to fight Multiple Sclerosis. Kristen’s sister-in-law, Kami, was diagnosed with MS in 1999; now they both ride in the MS 150.

For more a more personal look at Kristen, head over to tantrumkc.com.

8pm Friday, August 13
Westport Coffeehouse Theater, 4010 Pennsylvania
Tickets: $20 (no discounts or passes will be accepted for this benefit performance)
Call 816-678-8886 for reservations.
Will almost certainly contain adult material.

Caliente!

With all the forays into creative writing over the past year(s), I’ve developed a deeper desire to know more about the craft. After all, if you want to know if you’re headed in the right direction, why not snag a copy of On Writing and pick the brain of one of the more skilled writers of our time? Truth be told, I’ve never been a big Stephen King follower – certainly not like many others I know. I’ve read a few of his books and enjoyed them, but I wouldn’t throw him into that “I must devour whatever comes next” author categories. I don’t know if I even have that category reserved as I don’t read as much as I should – Stephen King’s Writer’s Cardinal Sin #1.

Is “cardinal sin” perhaps too harsh a term? Maybe, but Stephen King’s “Hey, you might want to do this” just lacks panache. Stephen King believes a writer should read as much as possible, wherever possible, and whenever possible. He details many of the instances where he can be found with his nose in a book and, no surprises here, they don’t necessarily include the bathroom. He makes salient points for developing your style by knowing how others present their material so you may find your own voice. It makes perfect sense and it’s advice I’ve been trying to follow.

I don’t want to spill everything out here, because honestly, the book is an excellent read and well worth your time if you have any desire to hone the craft of writing or enjoy anecdotes from one of the horror genre’s favorite sons. I knew I was going to enjoy this book when I read the second foreword:

This is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit. Fiction writers, present company included, don’t understand very much about what they do – not why it works when it’s good, not why it doesn’t when it’s bad. I figured the shorter the book, the less the bullshit.

One notable exception to the bullshit rule is The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White. There is little or no detectable bullshit in that book. (Of course it’s short; at eighty-five pages it’s much shorter than this one.) I’ll tell you right now that every aspiring writer should read The Elements of Style. Rule 17 in the chapter titled Principles of Composition is “Omit needless words.” I will try to do that here.

So what does this all have to do with the title of the post? Simple. Like many professions, you rely on your toolbox to provide you with the necessary means to perform your job. Perhaps it’s tools in the literal sense, but it may also be used in the figurative sense as it simply refers to the devices you utilize to perform your desired job. So, as Mr. King details the elements of a successful writer’s toolbox (read the book for specifics, seriously), one can find a correlation to an improviser’s toolbox.

The particular piece that is of importance to improvisers – moreso the fledgling ones, but veterans can benefit from as well – is the absence of pre-determined plot. Notice it doesn’t say lack of plot. Honestly, how interesting is something – a book, a movie, a play ,etc – if nothing ever happens? That’s not how he prefers to operate. For Mr. King, he prefers to take a situation and place his characters within it and then see how they deal with it and each other. He doesn’t have an outline that takes his story from A to B to C and so on. How stale! Everything flows from the characters and how they react to each other, often producing surprising results. This is the crux of an improvised scene – how do we as improvisers take a situation and filter it through our characters to provide results that are not only surprising to the audience, but to ourselves as well? For example, with Tantrum’s last performance, I don’t think anyone could have predicted that the notion of the monologist’s serenading her future husband’s voicemail with a silly song would turn into a scene about Eva Braun and Adolf Hitler’s early romantic trysts. No one on stage knew it was about to happen, but the scene was played with honestly and sincerity and the audience was so surprised that they had no other recourse but to laugh.

Beyond the writing tips and improv correlations is a book that offers an entertaining look into not only the ideologies of a writer, but childhood anecdotes and the harrowing time of a family man. The final chapter details the events surrounding his accident just over a decade ago and I found it to be quite moving. Check it out.

I have of late—but wherefore I know not—lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory, this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o’erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.

Leave it to Willy Shakes to provide me with perspective. This feeling, persistent and powerful for far too long, hearkens to mind a conversation seemingly a fortnight ago. Are you in or of this world?

Sex sells… just ask Bryn Donovan, author of An Experienced Mistress (not to be confused with the website of the same name). Lest you believe the genius dial only goes to published author, think again. She is also an accomplished poet and Emotioneer, which we’re positive has nothing to do with Disney regardless of how it sounds. Will she regale you with sultry sonnets, torrid tales, or a lilting libidinous lyric? Who knows? Perhaps she’ll simply peel back the curtain to reveal the muse undulating in her subconscious. One thing that’s certain is it will be honest and you’ll laugh.

If you’d like to know more about Bryn, head over to the Tantrum site to check out her bio and answers to Tantrum’s 7 Questions. It would be great to see all of you loyal readers this Friday night – we haven’t seen you at a show in ages!

8pm Friday, July 16
Westport Coffeehouse Theater, 4010 Pennsylvania
Tickets: $10
Call 816-678-8886 for reservations.
Will almost certainly contain adult material.

By now everyone knows that George Steinbrenner has passed away at the age of 80 years young due to a massive heart attack. The news has proliferated throughout sports talk shows all afternoon and spilled into the All-Star Game. The local sports talk shows this afternoon were asking callers to phone in their take on Steinbrenner’s legacy and how it affected baseball and the Royals, for good or ill – their history of losses and the ripple effect of free agency and exorbitant player salaries. The hosts were genuinely shocked at the lack of hatred, or at least ill-will, aimed at the longtime Yankees GM. Really? Do you think people are that disrespectful on the day of his death?

So, was George good or bad for baseball and the Royals? My answer would be yes. Surprised? George Steinbrenner was responsible for ushering in the era of ridiculous player signings dating back to Catfish Hunter and Reggie Jackson. So, on the one hand we have him to thank/blame for the age of the spoiled athlete/free agent – the epoch of buying championships. On the other hand, without him, small-market teams wouldn’t be reaping the benefits of the Yes Network and the millions it has poured into the revenue sharing streams in an attempt to make smaller market teams more viable. On the one hand, he provided seven world championships to the city of New York with a seemingly megalomaniacal drive of World Series-or-bust mentality. On the other hand, he also set standards of appearance and conduct for players so ridiculous that he was lampooned by the Simpsons in their heyday. He built an arguably consistent brand out of the (effin’) Yankees and provided a central figure to focus a non-New York baseball fan’s rage. I don’t know a true Royals (or any other AL team) fan who doesn’t despise the Yankees. Steinbrenner built the AL “evil empire” – a prototype that would eventually be mirrored by Boston. He embodied everything that is good (tradition, pride, striving for excellence) and bad (buying championships, fostering player greed, fickle management) about baseball. Regardless of whether you loved or hated the man, his larger-than-life personality will certainly be missed.

Continuing the theme – Avenged Sevenfold’s A Little Piece of Heaven…

First things first, if you’re easily offended don’t watch it. There’s adult language, adult themes, and classical music – plenty for all to hate… or love as the case may be. The subject matter isn’t for the faint of heart as it deals with murder, necrophilia, and everlasting (zombie) love. Now you don’t know whether you want to watch it or not, huh?

After reading through many comments on YouTube ranging from the simple “I don’t get it” to the typical name-calling zealots crying foul, I want to say, “People, relax and think a moment.” It’s just a story – a love story, in fact. Granted, it’s a very dark, twisted, and graphic love story set to a dynamic score. Still, a tuneful tale nonetheless. When Romeo and Juliet debuted, do you think that the audiences at the time weren’t shocked by all the duplicity and death? Do you think a modern audience bats an eye at it now? Time moves on and stories evolve to evoke a similar emotional echo. Should every story be as dark as this one? No, just as they shouldn’t all be hugs & puppies. There can be no light without the dark.

For those damning the band for writing this song – or their fans for enjoying it for what it is – think a moment. They aren’t advocating this behavior you find so repulsive. They are simply holding the mirror up to society and commenting as they should. If you disagree with that statement, we have more to discuss than I care to devote space to at the moment. Also, I would like to say kudos to the filmmakers who took the original and tweaked it to keep the gist and still achieve something different.

Back to the theme – Josh Joplin’s Camera One…

So much of what I love about this song lies in the imagery and what is not actually said.

Jose Guillen is hitting .281 and belted his 14th home run (putting him on pace to break his season best record of 27 from 2004) on a pristine baseball evening as the Royals managed to cling to a one run victory against the White Sox. He’s been a (surprisingly) solid contributor this year. Trade rumors have been surfacing of late, but when you hear the talk, the names associated have been David DeJesus and Zack Greinke. Now you can add Jose Guillen’s name to that list. I couldn’t be happier that he’s pumping up his numbers in the final year of his three-year $36M deal – honest. Officially, I don’t know if the Royals are shopping him around, but I certainly am. I want him out of here, especially after some of the comments he made to Fox Sports Kansas City:

“This organization when I came here, it was not what I thought it was going to be,” he said. “The atmosphere. I was expecting a lot of fire and winning attitude. And it wasn’t any of that. None of that.

“I tried to say some things and do some things to change the atmosphere and then people went ‘Oh, here goes Jose Guillen again.’ But, hey, I don’t like to babysit guys. You try to tell young guys some things, they get their feelings hurt. That’s Little League stuff.”

The Royals’ biggest sin as a team?

“Fundamentally, this is one of the worst teams in all of baseball. This is true,” Guillen said.

“I’ve been here for three years. I know everything that’s going on . We’re one of the worst teams fundamentally. Why do we get 14 or 15 hits and we score one or two runs. How does that happen? Lack of concentration. Lack of being smart.

“Players think it’s all about hitting home runs. Drive in runs. That’s what will get them paid instead of moving the runner or getting the guy to second. I just don’t see that respect for the game, moving the runners.

“The team I really admire is the Minnesota Twins. They do that so well. I love when we play them because that’s what I want our guys to see. They (the Twins) are the smartest team in all of baseball. Them and the Angels. They do all the little things so well.”

Feel free to read the rest of the article here.

His frustration is understandable and I know many fans who have been frustrated for years – sometimes frustrated to the point of apathy. However, Jose has been more a part of the problem than the solution. How do you legitimately complain about fundamentals and then not hustle to catch a fly ball that the second baseman is clearly not going to be able reach, but you could? This is what opened the door for the five-run eighth inning Greinke surrendered. In the ninth inning, however, he busted his ass catching a fly ball – literally, he smashed into the wall and held onto the ball. Ahhhh inconsistency, Guillen is thy name.

With the Pirates when I was coming up, the veteran players told you things. You can ask Jason Kendall. You did everything the veterans said you did. These guys, you tell them to be outside on time or we need to do this together, they say “Nah, I do my own thing.’ Sometimes you want to just punch them but you can’t do that because they’re you teammates.

I wonder if he holds himself to the same standards and, if so, would he punch himself in the face the next time he doesn’t do something fundamentally sound. I am looking for a connection within the organization to get me footage of that should it happen. Until then, someone get me Minnesota’s GM on the line… have I got a deal for them!